By Randy Lynch
Alright…I can already feel segments of the internet locking and loading in anticipation of placing me in front of a social media firing squad for this. I wonder how many are going to accuse me of ‘mansplaining’ (not a real word, people) or trying to put women in a box. The truth is, much of this applies to both men and women, but I’m focusing on women while Jesse Broadt focuses on men in a related piece.
It’s hard to ask a man to define a real woman…mainly because our mindset is more like that of a dog than an existential thinker (ie. “There goes the ball! Get the ball! Bring the ball back! Aren’t you gonna throw that ball?!”). We spend a large amount of our lives not knowing what we want and DEFINITELY not knowing what’s good or bad for us. I’m no exception to that rule. I just got lucky and opened my eyes in time to recognize my real woman when I found her. Not all are that lucky so, guys, this is for you as much as the ladies. Figure out what’s actually important to you before you miss out on that real woman.
So, let’s hit it:
Real Women Can Leave The House Without Looking Perfect
We all like to look good, but it can’t be what drives us. A woman with her hair and makeup ALWAYS flawless can be attractive, but a woman who can turn her back on the vanity of HAVING to look a certain way and instead focus on just getting the job done can be downright beautiful. I once knew a guy who bought a ‘79 El Camino with a gorgeous shiny black paint job but, when we crawled underneath, the frame was almost completely eaten through with rust in places. There’s nothing wrong with paint but, if what’s underneath isn’t any good, the only thing of value you have is the paint. On the other hand, a woman who knows her own worth and is confident in the knowledge that it’s not all found in her looks, is formidable on multiple levels and will turn the heads of real men without even trying.
Real Women Educate Themselves And Don’t Let Others Do Their Thinking
“You’re a woman, so you should think/believe this.” “You’re a woman, so you should vote this way.” That’s the voice of our society, praising women for being empowered and strong…unless those women make choices it doesn’t like. After this last presidential election, Michelle Obama said that women who didn’t vote for Hillary “voted against their own voice” when your vote IS your voice. You can’t rely on others to empower you because all they really end up doing is indoctrinating you and trying to destroy you if you ever stray from their accepted narrative. A real woman decides where she stands on issues by using her brain and equipping herself to defend her positions. She empowers herself.
Real Women Aren’t Bullies
I recently watched a woman ask her friends on social media for help because she was having trouble with a project. One of her male friends offered her some advice based on his experience with similar projects and she turned on him in a heartbeat with anger and indignation. She accused him of ‘mansplaining’ (still not a real word) and proceeded to paint him as a sexist who was trying to push her down by…offering her the help she’d asked for in the first place. At the end, he was actually apologizing profusely to her. (By the way, a real man would’ve told her never to expect any help from him again and walked away instead.)
Real women don’t build themselves up by tearing others down. Like the liberals who would accuse those who opposed them of being racist in order to cow them into shutting up and going along with their agenda, there are women who use the same bullying technique by calling men who don’t fall in line sexists. Real women don’t need to sink to that level. They’re secure in who they are and don’t need to beat others down to create that security.
Real Women Take Responsibility For Their Action, Especially The Mistakes
Believe it or not, women are human and, like the rest of us humans, they make mistakes. They falter and fail at times. They do things they’re not proud of. Real women don’t make excuses or blame others for their failings. They own them. They learn from them, become stronger and use them to choose a better path that they can be proud of. These are the women who I respect and admire greatly. Their integrity and strength of character is inspiring.
Real Women Need To Be Their Own People
They need time and space to define themselves as individuals, not just as someone’s daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife or friend. They have to find their passion and their identity as an individual. For my wife, she’s rediscovered her love for painting and, let me tell you, she’s very good. Beyond her skill, though, it’s the happiness and contentment I see in her eyes when that brush is in her hand that really makes a difference. A real woman makes time for herself in order to be herself.
Real Women Aren’t Perpetual Victims
This is a rough world with some horrible people doing horrible things to others. Women are often their targets. Many are stalked, kidnapped, beaten and abused by those who claim to love them, and even raped. Those on the receiving end of those actions are victims and the perpetrators seriously need to be hauled in and prosecuted. But there’s a disturbing number of women who spend years, if not the rest of their lives, embracing a victim status and defining themselves by what someone else did to them. That’s a sad way to live and it gives power to someone who was trying to steal your power in the first place because they had none of their own. I know this one sounds really harsh, but it’s all about recognizing your inner strength and not giving it away in exchange for a title that should never be permanent. I know it takes time to deal with these kinds of trauma, but you were created to be stronger than you can ever realize and there’s nothing you can’t overcome.
Real women deal with the ugliness they’ve faced and put the blame squarely where it belongs: on their attacker/abuser. They recognize their own intrinsic worth, strength and beauty and they define themselves by that, not by the thing that was done to them. They grow and mature and reach the point where they become survivors instead of victims. They embrace their real girl power.
Real Women Don’t Place Their Wants Over Others’ Rights
Real women don’t let others walk all over them and they don’t let others dictate what they can or can’t do or what they believe or what they say or how they choose to live their lives. In other words, they know what their rights as individuals are and they don’t surrender those rights. There’s another side to that coin, though. Real women also respect the rights of others. They don’t try to shut down events where people are expressing views they don’t like (see nearly any event where ‘feminists’ come out to oppose male speakers who express a right-leaning point of view). They don’t attack other women who don’t agree with them as traitors to their gender in an attempt to shame them into silence. Now, here’s the big one:
Real women embrace their sovereignty as an individual and their right to make decisions with what to do with their bodies, but they also understand where those boundaries are. They recognize that a baby growing inside of them is a separate person, endowed by God with the same unalienable rights they have. As they wouldn’t violate the rights of another adult or victimize a child outside of the womb, real women do not impose a death penalty on babies in the womb who have done nothing to deserve it other than existing. They do not choose death because of convenience, fear or the actions of others who have victimized them (see Real Women Aren’t Perpetual Victims). They don’t deny the personhood of those innocent lives in order to expand the boundaries of who they are while hiding behind a narrative of ‘choice’ while imposing their choices on those who cannot voice their own desires.
Now, to be clear, am I saying that women who support and promote abortion are not real women? Yes, I am. There’s really no nice way to say it. Am I saying that any woman who has ever supported, promoted or had an abortion cannot be a real woman? Absolutely not. We all do things we’re not proud of; we all make mistakes and we all do things that are wrong. We don’t have to spend our lives being defined by those things, not even the ones that will haunt us (see Real Women Take Responsibility For Their Action, Especially The Mistakes). Most of us are on the same path, stumbling our way toward being better people. Your past never has to define who you will be in your future.
Finally, here’s a simple truth so many are trying to obscure these days: While we share much in common due to our shared humanity, men are not women and women are not men…and there are not more than two genders, no matter what the social justice warriors want you to believe. Men and women are distinctively different from one another and those differences do not make one less or greater than another. When we embrace those differences, we all become greater by lessening each weakness and augmenting each strength, it becomes a little easier to become real women and real men.